Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Grounds for divorce?

In the States, snoring can be cited as grounds for a divorce...under the "unreasonable behaviour" category.
I guess it's unreasonable if you are a snorer and don't try to do anything about it. However, everyone has the right to a sound sleep. On the other hand, it's also unreasonable to be angry at a snorer who does try and still snores. I fall into this later category in that I have been very unreasonable with my husband who is trying his hardest to cure his snoring (sleep positions, mouth guard, nose strips, surgery to be considered).

Snoring can lead to emotional issues (taken from the interweb):
  • lack of sleep, leading to depression and anxiety
  • marital breakdown and divorce, due to lack of sleep and lack of empathy (remember, the snoring partner doesn’t often know the pain that they are unwittingly causing!)
  • eviction by a landlord and the resulting humiliation (this may sound funny, but some people have literally been kicked out of their homes because of their snoring!)
  • warring roommates and neighbors
  • job loss, due to inability to concentrate and focus (because of sleeplessness)
  • memory and retention problems due to sleeplessness

These can lead to the following states for both the snorer and his partner:

  • frustration
  • anger
  • feelings of violence
  • helplessness
  • desperation
  • anguish
  • exhaustion
  • growing resentment
  • lack of confidence and self-esteem

There is also a long list of physical issues. But I'm feeling emotional at the mo so that's where I'm concentrating. Lately I've been feeling a fair few of the emotional states. The sleep deprivation has of course been worsened by the tod having a cold and needing night time cuddles etc.

Thing is...and here is my very guilty little secret. I snore too. Unlike my husband I've not done much to address that. So it turns out, I'm the unreasonable one. That's going to change. I'm going to lose weight (after Easter eggs have all been consumed) and get a humidifier and try to ensure my nasal passages are lubricated. There are many non surgical techniques to try and we'll keep going to we find one that works. And then maybe we will all get a bit of rest round here.

It's certainly not grounds for a divorce. We have our 2nd year anniversary next week and I hope there will be many more.

3 comments:

ebilpirate said...

I feel your pain, I am another Plumsteadian and I have a confession. I snore. The best solutions we have found so far are:

* Earplugs - Mrs Pirate bought a selection from an online store and has now settled on a range that is quite comfortable and attenuates my din quite effectively.

* Split bed times - Mrs Pirate goes to bed earlier than me. Piops in her earplugs and then I try to sneak in without waking her up half an hour later

* The final option... If I am having a really noisy night and she just can't get to sleep... I get a kick in the back and set off to the spare room. Cold, unpleasant, but altogether better for our relationship....

Plummy Mummy said...

Ebilpirate,
Did you catch the BBC programme yesterday about going to sleep. Some interesting things in there.

Hubby went to the hospital this week and they are going to do some surgery on him to fix his nose. Its not guaranteed to work but we are going to give it a go.

I'm also going to have to do something as hayfever season has hit us, and I snore. I'm going to try the things you put in the roof of your mouth which keeps the mouth moistened.

I did go down the earplugs route (snorestore.co.uk) are brilliant for this but unfortunately I find having ear plugs in every night to be painful.

I really hope that you guys can sort it. It was a major issue for us

Grace Lawrence said...

One thing you can try as last resort is giving him a mouth guard that helps reducing snoring. I got a Stella White mouth guard for my husband and it actually worked quite well.