Depression. That's not what I have. Depression is a scary word, a word associated with failure or weakness. I'm just adjusting to the recent changes in our lives. Others have managed it, and so can I. Heck my mother travelled across the world with 3 kids and she managed. Thing is, I'm sure she had depression - I used to hear her crying at night. I don't want my daughter to hear me. So I have learnt to cry silently. And during the day, I rage against the smallest thing as I just feel frustrated by the way I'm feeling.
I've been here before, this bad funk, this huge cloud of negativity and woe-is-me. I know that it will get better. I know I'm not alone - I've been reading more and more stories and posts by people who are losing their jobs, finding it hard to get full time or any work, who have lost all hope of flexibility in their workplace as the recession bites and bosses don't need to provide it. I have to believe that I will work again, that I will contribute to the family pot of dosh. I have to believe that becoming a stay at home mum 5 years ago and giving up my job was a good decision. I have to forgive myself for not trying to do some freelance work and for not keeping up my network of contacts. I know that if my husband had stayed at home, he would be the one feeling this way now. I have to believe the future's bright.