Wednesday, 18 March 2015

34 ways to say WTF

Hey if you are a man who's about marry a 40+ year old woman then read this post.

After the age of 40 things start to go downhill for us women. And now that I'm in the final years of my forties, things are really going downhill rapidly. In fact I feel like the Jamaican bobsled team. WTF is on the tip of my tongue most of the time now (and shouted out loud when I'm alone). Since getting married my old bod has been acting strange. For a few years, I've had unexplained illnesses that have been alarming but then disappeared as quickly as they arrived. I initially blamed it all on being married to a Scot,having regularly conjugals and not eating a proper guju diet every day, then later blamed it on having a sprog as that does nasty things to your body that are best not to dwell on especially if you want to conceive. 
I've had nights drenched in sweat, I've had tummy problems, and some weird aches and pains down and around there. I've had nights where I couldn't sleep or days and days where I couldn't stay awake. I started looking suspiciously at my sister in law who has ME and wondered if it was contagious. I started looking suspiciously at anyone who coughed, sniffled or anything near me. And then I lost interest in everything. It made it very hard to be motivated to work, to cook, to clean to do anything except fret.
Then one sleepless night I came across this list : 34 Menopause Symptoms and hallelujah the pin dropped and and I felt like realisation whacked my in the face with the force of Mj√∂lnir. I've had a fair few of those and when I stopped seeing the usual amount of  blood (i.e. missed a month, then another, wished&prayed that I was pregnant but lived in fear that I was,then stupid AF was back again) it all sort of made sense. 
So the poor hubby has spent the last few years dealing with all this and then I relayed to him the fact that our 7 year old has underarm hair and may be entering puberty early (apparently this is getting more and more common). WTF. I said WTF!!! I wanted to scream WTF.  Just as my system is shutting down, hers is getting reading for the change. She's too bloody young and so am I. We are neither of us ready for these changes. And neither is the hubby who just wants her to be his little girl for quite a few years more and his wife to stop being a raving lunatic. 
Alarmingly, a third of kids alive today will live to well past 100 so it seems perverse that they are hitting puberty earlier. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they could enjoy being children for a lot longer and further down the line, have menopause later. Bloody mother nature. Just WTF.

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