This Little Light of Mine

My kid has been coming home from nursery singing snippets of a gospel song. And like a little worm, it's niggled into my brain and keeps popping up at odd times.
She only sings the chorus. It occurred to me that it's a Christian Gospel song so for a wee bit I felt odd singing it. But you know what....
In the last week I have found out that 3 people dear to me are ill...1 with a year long cold that has caused her to develop asthma, my bro with a year long cold that included a bout of pneumonia and a dear cousin who has got breast cancer. When I talk to some creative friends they tell me they are having trouble finding their mojo (my words not theirs) and generally people are down. Myself including. I'm getting depressed reading about the state of our education system and worried that our kids will not have jobs in the distant future (and me in the near future).
It's just so damn draining.
I miss that silly snippet of good news you used to get at the end of News at Ten.
So despite my not being a Christian, I've started singing a truncated version of the song at all hours of the day, and some of the night too.
It cheers me up. It reminds me that inside me there is a core of happiness and I'm going to let that shine.
In case you want to join in my virtual rock choir here is my truncated version. Hand-clapping is entirely optional:

This little light of mine
I'm going to let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm going to let it shine,
Let it shine
Let it shine
LET IT SHIIIIIINE

Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm going to let it shine

Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm going to let it shine


Let it shine
Let it shine
LET IT SHIIIIIIIINE



However, if you prefer something a bit more disco then how about a snippet from the late great Donna Summer. A very positive sentiment. Imagine the "him" is that bad news negative little sod that sits on your shoulder telling you that you can't do it.
Enough, is enough, is enough
I can't go on, I can't go on no more no
enough, is enough, is enough
I want him out, I want him out that door now

Beauty and the Beast 3d

So today we had a first - Little one and I  met up with a friend and her kid to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D. It's the first time we have gone to the cinema since she was a tiny baby.
We have the film on DVD but I was amazed at some of the detail that came out seeing it on a large screen. I am not sure if that is down to the 3D effect or the big screen. In parts it was quite ropey. As a spectacle wearer I'm not keen on those heavy 3D glasses that start to hurt the nose after 2 mins. Also I question if3D is appropriate for every film out there. In fact, the cynical me would argue that adding a few extra screen details to a 2D flick, labelling it 3D and hyping it up is a bit exploitative.
Taking kids to cinemas...kinda an exercise in patience and a lot of shushing. I still don't know what was suddenly so interesting on the cinema floor halfway through the film. Hopefully not that snake that used to come on the pre-show trailers. Gulp.
Despite the moaning, I enjoyed myself and I think the little one did too. May even go again.

Closer to 50

A few weeks ago was my 45th birthday. Now I'm closer to 50 than 40. I don't get it as when I think of myself, I am either 13 or maybe at a push 20. I'm never 30, 35, 40 and definitely not 45.
I'm trying not to have a mid life crisis (yes, I assume I shall live to 90). I definitely thought I would be "sorted" by now, happy with myself. But it's hard with all the changes in the last five years....I have got married, had a kid, moved 5 times and given up my career and become someone who's life is devoted to others. Before this I earned loads, was respected at work, was able to go out when I wanted, see films, eat out, sleep late, meet mates, get drunk/hungover, buy anything I wanted (luckily didn't have really expensive tastes), have liaisons, have adult uninterrupted conversations. But at the end of the day I was lonely. I don't make friends easily - sometimes so shy but coming across as aloof. I worry that I have nothing interesting to say. It was easy to make friends at work as you had the shared domain.
Now I have two amazing people in my life that I love. And I'm much more creative now through the fogey old fashioned arts of knit, crochet and craft. I don't care. I love it. I do craft even when tot is not here. I love messing about with playdoh, paint, glue and most of all yarn. I meet some people through this and like talking to other crafters online.
In Plumstead, through playgroups and the nursery I met some lovely people. It's been a bit harder here. I have not made any friends in Scotland. In August tot goes to primary school - I'm really anxious about not being with my daughter so am going to look for some work.  I spoke to a mate the other day. She used to be a Chemical Engineer but since having kids her life changed. She is now a mum but also a bereavement counsellor and working in the NHS on cancer screening programmes. She gave me some advice about finding work...to volunteer at the school, to look for opportunities. She also told me to make friends with other mums on the playground.
I will do that. Cos I'm 45 and I'm sorted. Err....